The Temporal Toast Incident
The Temporal Toast Incident
A bungled time-travel spell transports the party to five different eras in rapid succession—from dinosaur-infested prehistory to a steampunk future—all while a hapless gnome artificer pursues them with increasingly desperate repairs. The party must survive anachronistic encounters and collect scattered temporal anomalies before reality itself fractures at dinner time.
Read Aloud
You're lounging in the common room of the Gilded Hourly Inn when a TREMENDOUS explosion rocks the building. The blast is tinged an unsettling shade of purple—the color of reality disagreeing with itself. As plaster rains down and dust settles, a small, singed gnome tumbles through the shattered window, landing hard on his beard. "FINALLY found you lot!" he sputters, scrambling upright. "You broke me Temporal Toaster, and now everything's all... wibbly! We've got maybe six minutes before the timeline starts eating itself for breakfast!" Behind him, a shimmering tear in the air crackles with unstable energy, and you hear the unmistakable sound of approaching dinosaur roars.
Description
The common room of the inn is chaos. A purple, rift-like gateway stands in the middle of the room, flickering through different scenes: dense jungle, urban skyline, medieval castle, steampunk factory, and what appears to be a generic waiting room. Sparkplug Brasswick insists the party caused this by "existing too close to his Temporal Toaster" three days ago—an invention none of them have ever heard of. He claims his "fix" involves them jumping into the temporal stream, collecting five scattered "Chronosphere Shards" from different eras, and reassembling them before the instability reaches critical mass. He has no idea if this will actually work but assures everyone it will "probably" be fine. Chancellor Chronus materializes from thin air, looking thoroughly exhausted, clutching his enchanted ledger. He begins immediately citing the party for "Improper Timeline Trespass, Form 7-Theta-Complaint."
DM Notes
This is a comedic introduction. Don't make Sparkplug threatening—he's bumbling and sincere but dangerously incompetent. Emphasize that the party didn't actually do anything. Chancellor Chronus should interrupt to establish the stakes: if the Chronosphere Shards aren't collected within the next 4 scenes, the Temporal Rift reaches critical mass and possibly destroys the inn, the city, or "something important" (he's unclear on the details). Allow the party to ask clarifying questions, which Sparkplug will answer with confident-sounding nonsense. Example: "What IS a Chronosphere Shard?" SPARKPLUG: "It's basically a chunk of solidified time-stuff! Possibly. I've never actually seen one myself, but they SHOULD be roughly humanoid-shaped, give or take a dimension." DC 12 Insight (vs. Sparkplug's Deception) to realize he's completely improvising.
Read Aloud
The temporal rift spits you out into a primordial jungle that smells like rotten meat and stagnant water. Massive ferns the size of houses tower overhead, and the ground squelches beneath your feet with each step. Then you hear it: a bone-deep roar that makes your teeth vibrate in your skull. Crashing through the foliage comes a Tyrannosaurus Rex, but something's very wrong with it. Its arms flail uselessly like a tiny, enraged chicken, and one of its eyes is crossed. Worse, it's making distressed honking sounds instead of roars. Perched atop its skull, magically adhered by glowing runes, is a crystalline object the size of a fist—the Chronosphere Shard. Sparkplug's voice crackles through a magical earpiece: "Oh, right! I may have angered a dinosaur! But look on the bright side—the shard is RIGHT THERE!"
Description
The party has 5 rounds before the Tyrannosaurus Rex reaches critical frustration and charges. The creature is comically inept—it keeps stepping on its own tail, gets distracted by shiny things, and makes pathetic honking noises. The Chronosphere Shard is literally glued to its skull with non-dispellable magical adhesive. The party can: (1) fight the dinosaur, (2) solve a puzzle to distract or calm it, (3) convince Sparkplug to remove the shard remotely (he'll try, causing a minor explosion that startles the T-Rex but doesn't help), or (4) use stealth/magic to sneak onto its head and pry the shard off (DC 14 Dexterity check, contested against the dinosaur's flailing). The longer the encounter lasts, the sillier the dinosaur's failures become.
DM Notes
This encounter should be more comedic than threatening. The T-Rex has the stat block of a Tyrannosaurus but with -2 to hit due to incompetence and a comical vulnerability: if the party succeeds on a DC 13 Charisma (Persuasion) check, they can make it cry and it will lie down. Alternatively, a DC 13 Intelligence (Arcana) check identifies that the shard's magical glue is specifically keyed to break only with "sincere laughter"—the party must literally make the dinosaur laugh (impossible), or laugh at it themselves while plucking the shard (auto-success if they agree to this absurdity). Sparkplug will offer unhelpful commentary like "Just punch it real hard!" regardless of strategy chosen.
Read Aloud
The rift deposits you in a sprawling courtyard where two timelines have collided head-on. On one side, a medieval castle hosts a jousting tournament. On the other, a steampunk factory belches smoke and gears turn inexplicably fast. Frozen between them, suspended in a pocket of shimmering temporal energy, hovers the second Chronosphere Shard. The problem: a MEDIEVAL KNIGHT on horseback is charging directly toward the Shard at full gallop, while a CLOCKWORK CONSTRUCT fires repeating crossbow bolts from the factory, also aiming for the Shard. Both are completely unaware of each other's existence, existing in slightly desynchronized timelines. They're about to collide, and when they do, the resulting paradox will atomize the Shard. You have maybe two rounds to intervene.
Description
This is a tense skill challenge disguised as combat. The knight (use Knight stat block, AC 18, HP 52, but he cannot actually see the construct) and the Clockwork Construct (reskin Animated Armor, AC 18, HP 33, but it cannot see the knight) are on a collision course. The party must use magic, diplomacy, or clever positioning to EITHER: (1) knock the Shard out of the collision zone (DC 14 Dexterity save to do this without touching the timeline paradox), (2) convince both combatants they're chasing the wrong target (DC 13 Deception, separate checks), or (3) create a temporal barrier (DC 15 Arcana). If the collision happens, both the knight and construct are briefly fused into a confused chimera (hilarious, but the Shard cracks). Sparkplug yells from the rift: "Don't let them touch! Actually, make them fight! Wait, no, that was my lunch talking!"
DM Notes
Design this as a skill challenge with 3 successes before 3 failures. Each PC can contribute one action per round using Arcana, Deception, Sleight of Hand, or Acrobatics. On success, they grab the Shard. On failure, something goes wrong (the knight and construct get closer, or one of them develops temporary awareness of the other and becomes confused/panicked). If they reach 3 failures, both combatants collide, fuse briefly, and the Shard gains a crack that imposes disadvantage on later checks to use it. Non-lethal, fast-paced, rewards creativity.
Read Aloud
You materialize in a pristine, eerily quiet office that smells of aged paper and regret. Filing cabinets stretch infinitely in all directions. At a desk sits Chancellor Chronus, now flanked by two BUREAUCRATIC TEMPORAL AUDITORS (reskinned Cultists, AC 12, HP 8 each), all three hunched over mountains of paperwork. A third Chronosphere Shard sits in a locked glass case labeled "EVIDENCE: CASE #7739-TEMPORAL-INCIDENT." Chronus looks up, adjusted his perpetually slipping monocle. "Ah. You. I've been expecting you for approximately 4.7 minutes. Before you can retrieve that Shard, you must fill out Form 23-B: Temporal Artifact Recovery Authorization, Sign-Off Form 44-K: Acknowledgment of Chaos Wrought, and Initial Form 9-Omega: Promise Not To Do It Again. Estimated paperwork time: 8 to 12 hours." Behind him, Sparkplug's head pops through a small portal. "JUST STEAL IT!" he hisses.
Description
This scene is deliberately non-combat. The three NPCs are not hostile but will actively prevent the party from taking the Shard if they try brute force (the Auditors will defend it, but halfheartedly). The party must either: (1) fill out the paperwork (a skill challenge requiring four successful DC 12 Insight or Intelligence checks to navigate bureaucratic logic without getting trapped in procedural loops), (2) charm/bluff Chronus into handing over the Shard (DC 14 Charisma checks), (3) convince the Auditors to misfile the evidence (DC 13 Deception per Auditor), or (4) steal it using sleight of hand (DC 15). Chronus is genuinely sympathetic to their plight but bound by regulations. If they approach diplomatically, he'll provide hints for the paperwork route and subtly make it easier. The paperwork route is comedic—forms reference impossible situations (e.g., "Describe in triplicate your feelings regarding temporal mechanics") and contain deliberate contradictions.
DM Notes
This is a roleplay/social challenge, not combat. Treat Chronus as a ally-in-waiting who will eventually help if the party shows respect for the bureaucratic process (even mockingly). The Auditors are comic relief—they're more interested in their coffee than combat. If violence erupts, 2-3 rounds in, Chronus will shout "This is completely unproductive!" and surrender the Shard in frustration. Allow creative solutions: offering to help the Auditors file things correctly, using magic to speed up paperwork, or simply asking Chronus why he's helping Sparkplug (he isn't—he's stuck on mandatory committees with the gnome and has grown to accept chaos as inevitable).
Read Aloud
You're pulled back through the flickering portal to find the common room of the Gilded Hourly Inn is now visibly deteriorating. The floor phases between solid wood and intangible mist. The walls are showing imagery from all five timelines simultaneously. Sparkplug stands before the shattered window, holding a bizarre contraption made of spare parts, broken gears, and what appears to be a toaster element. "I've got it!" he cries. "All ye need to do is place the three Shards in this device, which will—" He pauses, squinting at the device. "—definitely either fix everything or create a small black hole. Coin flip on that one!" Chancellor Chronus appears, sighing heavily. "The temporal cascade is reaching critical instability. Whatever you're doing, do it immediately. Chronus out." The final Chronosphere Shard sits on the bar, pulsing with unstable energy. The rift is collapsing. You have ONE round to place the Shards and activate the device before reality itself tries to recalibrate.
Description
This is the climactic scene. The party must place the three collected Chronosphere Shards into Sparkplug's device in the correct order (which Sparkplug doesn't actually know—any order works, but he'll act like you got it right regardless). Once they do, they must make a group DC 13 Wisdom saving throw (representing the strain of temporal forces). Success stabilizes the timeline and sucks everyone back to the proper era. Failure creates a brief, spectacular light show and strands one party member in a random era for 1d4 rounds before the rift stabilizes enough to pull them back. The "black hole" threat is a complete bluff—nothing actually happens except the rift closes and the Temporal Toaster explodes in a harmless shower of sparks. Sparkplug is relieved, Chancellor Chronus thanks them formally, and the timeline is restored. The innkeeper's response: "That'll be extra on your tab."
DM Notes
This is the narrative climax, not a combat encounter. Focus on fun outcomes and closure. If the party gets stranded temporarily, have them encounter one comedic scene (a dinosaur napping on them, a steampunk vendor offering them strange gadgets, etc.) before snapping back. Sparkplug will keep talking about "probably" knowing what he did and maybe having invented time travel by accident. Chancellor Chronus will apologize for the chaos and offer the party a citation AND a "Get Out of Temporal Trouble Free" card for next time. Play Sparkplug's relief as genuine—he really was worried.
Monsters
Tactics
The T-Rex is absurdly incompetent. It charges forward every round in a straight line but has disadvantage on all attack rolls due to its inability to coordinate its tiny arms and crossed eyes. It becomes distracted by shiny objects (DC 10 Sleight of Hand to redirect it temporarily with trinkets). Every 2 rounds, roll a d4: (1) it steps on its own tail and uses an action to thrash in pain, (2) it stops to investigate a nearby fern, believing it might be food, (3) it sneezes, temporarily blinding itself, or (4) it honks pitifully. It will not pursue the party beyond roughly 100 feet but becomes increasingly frustrated and sad the farther they go. If hit 3+ times, it begins crying and will lie down, surrendering.
Terrain
Primordial jungle with dense foliage, rotting pools of stagnant water (difficult terrain), and massive ferns that provide half cover. The ground is slick and treacherous. A small ridge on the far side of the arena provides higher ground.
Monsters
Tactics
Neither combatant is actually hostile to the party—they're locked in their own timeline lanes and completely unaware of each other's existence. The Knight charges in a straight line toward where the Shard floats in temporal space. The Construct fires repeatedly but cannot actually hit anything in the medieval timeline. They will collide in 2 rounds if not interrupted. During the collision, reality hiccups and both creatures briefly fuse into a confused chimera before separating. The party's goal is NOT to fight but to prevent the collision using skill checks (see Scene 4 DM notes). Combat statistics provided for completeness, but actual combat is not the intended solution.
Terrain
A paradoxical arena split between medieval courtyard (stone flags, tournament barriers, grandstands) and steampunk factory (metal grating, belching smokestacks, spinning gears visible in the distance). The Shard hovers at the midpoint, inaccessible without intervention. Both terrains provide different cover benefits depending on which timeline the party is operating in (this should be confusing and fun, not mechanically punishing).
Three crystalline fragments humming with temporal energy. When held, the bearer gains advantage on one Arcana or Intelligence check per day. Together, they're worth 250 gp to the Temporal Authority, but Sparkplug insists they're only valuable as evidence. Purely aesthetic after the campaign.
An ornate, magically-sealed card that grants advantage on ONE saving throw against a temporal or magical effect. Once used, it vanishes. Non-transferable. Chronus insists it's not a real magic item and doesn't appear on any ledger.
A gnome-crafted pocket watch that runs backward and occasionally moves forward at double speed. Purely comedic. If the party tries to use it for anything serious, it explodes harmlessly. Worth 40 gp as scrap.
Salvaged from the various timelines visited. Includes a medieval silver coin stamped with a tyrannosaurus (anachronistic), a steampunk gear-shaped earring (non-functional), and an ION from the Temporal Authority marked 'URGENT: VOID AFTER 6 MONTHS.'
Conclusion
Wrap Up
The Temporal Toaster explodes in a harmless shower of sparks and melted components. Reality snaps back into alignment with a sound like a tuning fork being struck. The common room of the Gilded Hourly Inn solidifies around you, walls and floor returning to proper solid matter. Sparkplug, looking absolutely exhausted, slumps into a chair. "Well... I think that worked. Pretty sure. The universe is still here, so, bonus!" Chancellor Chronus materializes one final time, adjusting his monocle with a weary expression. He produces a card and hands it to the party: a shimmering, temporal "Get Out of Trouble Free" pass, good for one use against temporal/magical effects. "Consider this an apology on behalf of the Temporal Authority for... this entire incident." He sighs. "I'm filing a grievance against Sparkplug. Seventeen separate grievances, actually. In triplicate." The innkeeper approaches with a bill. "That'll be 2 gold for each broken chair, 5 gold for the chandelier, and 15 gold for the existential dread I experienced. Total: 47 gold. I'll add it to your tab." Sparkplug winces. "I've got... maybe 3 gold in me pockets?"
Cliffhanger
As the party prepares to leave the inn, a NEW, smaller temporal rift opens above the bar. Out falls a single, pristine object: a sleek, chrome TEMPORAL TOASTER 2.0, with a note attached in Sparkplug's barely-legible handwriting. "Dear Friends, I found me backup prototype! It's definitely fixed now. Probably. —S.B." The device begins humming ominously. Chancellor Chronus looks at the party with the expression of a man experiencing permanent trauma and simply says, "I'll be in my office. Filing paperwork."
Next Session Hooks
- Sparkplug's new Temporal Toaster 2.0 begins acting up again, and he needs the party's help before it strands the entire city in the year 3021 (or 1021, or 500,000 BC)
- Chancellor Chronus sends an official letter requesting the party's help tracking down an actual temporal criminal who's been using Sparkplug's accidents as cover for deliberate timeline sabotage
- A mysterious figure in a hooded cloak appears at the inn, claiming to be from 'the future' and insisting the party must NOT help Sparkplug next time, because something much worse happens if they do
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